Barbie Doll Dreams

I was talking with a special someone yesterday. We chatted about who you should tell when you enter a poly marriage. We chatted about it for a while. Then he asked me something that caught me off guard. He wanted to know who I would want to invite to a poly wedding.

I answered without even thinking about it. I told him that I'd always wanted a big, fancy church wedding. Then I said "I want a beautiful marriage more than a beautiful wedding". The truth of that statement did not hit me until a minute later.

Someone could and some people do, spend crazy amounts of money and time planning a big splashy day. Then they can spend years paying it off or fighting about the debt. Is that a way to begin your life together? Why would anyone want that?

I think to many people just marry too young. Most of my friends are long married. Some are happy; many not so much. So much of the fighting and brokenness that ended those marriages could have been avoided. All they had to do was let a passionate love mature, just a little.

There are countless rites of passage in this world and even in our culture. For a woman, many revolve around marriage and sex. Perhaps, if our women could choose to let that moment, that clearly identifiable moment, where you shed your Barbie doll and fantastical dreams, be one of celebration, our marriages would last a bit longer. People hold on to fantasy far to long. People are taught to believe in the power of their dreams, but aren't taught that dreams require preparation and planning. People are taught that the moment you are in now, is all that should matter. That just isn't right.

True romance is magical. True love is liberating. Yet, being in love and staying that close takes work. Love demands sacrifice and selflessness. Love lives and breathes on compromise and seeing your partner(s) as a whole person, with valid needs, and beautiful desires.

A professor of mine, used to say that "before you give yourself away, you have to have a self to give." It took me 28 years to get my "self" together, enjoy being with my "self" for a while and be really ready to give and to share that "self" with another person. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer. Maybe I needed to have more experiences than my peers. Maybe I just saved my "self" a ton of misery and shame.

I believe I have the ability to make my own dreams come true. I believe that true love is forever, but forever requires effort. I am ready to create my own fairy tale, not just to trust I will wake up in the right one. Perhaps, a handsome prince will bring me shoes. I will then google him and hope his other princess has excellent taste!

Time to curl up with a hot tea and watch Ever After. Three cheers for a sassy Cinderella!