Real growth and change can take place in achingly slow steps. Maybe because you are walking gently, hesitantly, and with a bit of stealth? You want enough attention to make some new friends, but not so much as to disturb the looney toons. My first poly experience was before I really had a word for it. That relationship developed in less than a week and lasted for years. Some of the things I am learning are normal in talking to people and some things that most folks don't think about, just happened so naturally with us. I was poly without a poly community. I was poly before I knew what poly really was.
Over the last 6 weeks I have met some pretty strange folks. There seems to be an odd trend to send nude pictures of a current wife (ves), husband, or some combo thereof. I had gotten some exceptionally detailed descriptions of what people are looking for mailed to me. I have gotten some introductions with barely a sentence such as: "see profile" or "show me picture." One man demanded I downloaded msn messenger. One woman said she thought I was hot. A few creepy old (60+) guys asked me if I was a virgin. Several childless couples approached me. Two men said they were called to poly, but their wife just didn't understand or that she was rebelling. One of the potentials I know tends to jump down my throat and twist anything positive I share into some cautionary tale. . She said it was "irresponsible" to get "starry eyed" over a couple.
Isn't that the point?
Potentials, by the way, are what they call a single woman in the poly world. A few people called me a unicorn. Apparently that indicates something rare, beautiful, and with a mythical or elusive quality. Some potentials are very supportive, some seem to treat each other as competition to pick off. Some that I have met seem too dramatic, emotionally immature, or petty to live in an actual loving poly family. There is a potential that I am really connecting with. She seems to have the feelings of hope, nervousness, and security of beliefs that I feel. Perhaps we will help each other navigate this odd world of of ours. Hopefully, we can come up with a better name.
Is it strange?
I am looking for a quality, faithful husband in a loving, stable relationship. I am looking for someone who doesn't cheat on his wife or want some cheap fling with a mistress. I want a family who desires more children, but not one that sees me as solely a baby factory. I am looking for a sisterwife that will love me, accept me, support my dreams, cherish my marriage to her husband and allow me to do all of that for her. I want someone open enough to welcome me as an equal partner and yet discerning enough not to offer me the keys to her kingdom on the first day.
The baby factory idea really bugs me. I would welcome a childless couple that desires children. I might be open to helping another woman conceive, if I can. Yet, people go nuts about that. I've had potentials warn me that this family or that family only wants another wife for children. Aren't there cheaper ways to find a woman to carry a baby? If a couple just wanted a baby, there are surrogate options that are much cheaper than adding someone to your marriage. There is adoption and embryo adoption. You can find donor eggs and sperm. Yet with all of that, some couples would rather add a new wife. Doesn't that say something about their commitment to family? About their commitment to care for a child before and after its birth? You should look at people's motives. You should look at their expectations and promises. If you find that they have a happy marriage and can genuinely love another woman, why not chose them to date? Why not choose them to marry? This taboo is distasteful to me. I won't rush into anything. I won't seek out a childless couple and expect to be treated like a saviour. If it happens, it happens. I would consider it an honor and a great joy to help complete a family in that way. How many second wives get truly unique experiences with the husband any way? You can imagine he's already had his 1st place, his wedding day, his first married fight, the moving in process, all the first (or a dozen or so) holidays, and the entire spectrum of intimate relations, so what's left? Do you think he'd value a 2nd wife any less when she gives him a first-born? I hope not! Yet, he should treasure the second wife for her spirit and gift and then love his first wife with even more passion, since they are both mothers to his new baby.
The two couples I really got to know were not the ones that pounced on me right away or sent me dozens of emails. They didn't demand pictures or ask too personal questions. We just bumped into each other in a forum discussion or chat. They INVITED me to contact them later. It's like the Internet version of asking her for a phone number or giving her yours. I got to choose when or if I had the time and interest. We started a friendship. Why does that sound so odd to some people? Perhaps, the epic Miss Emily Post, should write a primer on poly dating. Gentle readers, do not treat a lady as a tasty morsel and please remember to keep your trousers on....
People use the blogs for poetic words and inspiring stories. Today, I was just being honest.
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