In the fullness of time....

I wanted this post to be about the goofy things that happened when I visited M and K. I had wanted to share funny stories about not bringing enough socks and him walking into the room for a game table and seeing my lovelies all about the inside of my open suitcase. I wanted to talk about the passion he has for his family, how I enjoyed chatting with her, or the political conversation that raised every one's blood pressure. I thought about mentioning the fight they almost had in front of me or the time we got a bottle of wine and went to the duck pond for hours. Maybe something funny about how much exercise they do and me getting really toned.

I considered writing a post about what I learned from my first attempt at dating a married couple--like how it felt to ride in the backseat of the car all the time, or trying to walk around a neighborhood 3 deep instead of two. Maybe even allude to a most tender moment.

However, that is not going to happen.

I received a very short, very angry email from K a day after I arrived home. It was sent 2 and half hours after I left. It was filled with anger, dismissive in nature, and hurtful. She said that neither of them wanted anything to do with me anymore. She said they believe a marriage is between one man and one woman. She demanded I never contact them again. In the 24 hours between when I got home and checked that email account, he had already invited me up for another visit, told me what a great time he had and called me several times. He briefly mentioned she felt jealous when he told a joke and I touched his arm, he then caught my eye and held it for just a moment....

Apparently, she hit the roof. As much as she said poly was for her and had such great benefits, she is too jealous. That isn't a crime. It is just as ok to be poly as not. Yet, it hurt. I really, really cared for them. Love was not blossoming, but may have formed tiny buds.

I will miss the gardening advice, the long, long, long walks, the chance to practice my Spanish, the dreams of filling their beautiful home with the laughter of children, the way he and I debated philosophy until the wee hours off the morning and even that she rented my favorite movie to watch on his ridiculously big tv. I write this from a place of having processed all I felt and moving on.

He made a post in a forum about me that caused several couples to seek me out and begin chatting to me. I received several invites to visit people and made some new friends. Some I have chatted with longer than others.

Perhaps the value of these last few months has not been to show me the joy of a lifetime, although, for a heartbeat of time, I thought it so. Perhaps, it broke a little ice of poly dating fears in me and lessened the mysterious. Perhaps, I learned a lesson of when to let things go or how to say goodbye. Perhaps, I made a new friend or provided comfort to an old one. Maybe I helped a loving couple find each other again and renew an old hope.

I believe everything in our lives is part of the Creator's Master plan. This plan is like a beautiful, intricate tapestry. The woven tears and joys that are gigantic when you stand too close, just add to the richness you see in the big picture. Maybe my sadness added a little color.

One can dream...