Cookie Cutter Cliche's

This has been a week! Someone who used to be close to me was kind enough to give me a list of how I should change so I would be able to find my own man, instead of having to "put up with" "sharing a husband" and helping to raise some other woman's children. I am growing closer to another couple. As I have been going through boxes and finding homes for my treasures, old memories keep creeping closer. I was asked why I wanted to be poly and told I should just forget about it.

Just when I was feeling like my world was just going topsy turvey, I found a friend. I had to move to a new place to take care of a family member a few months ago. I gave up a really nice job, the only church that ever really felt like home, and day to day interaction with many of my real life friends. I was feeling a bit alone this week.

Turns out, she and her husband are very open to new loves and "playing" with new friends. They are also long-time nudists---I would never have guessed! Really! They are the most loving people I have met in this crazy town. It felt soooo incredibly good to meet some non-judging, non-Puritans. I know it sounds crazy, but it felt so freeing to be around any one, any one at all who was tangible, accepting, and had a different idea. They are soo happy! Their relationship is mature and healthy. I was starting to feel like I lived in Stepford.

Perhaps, I should write a posts on all the benefits that poly provides. All the reasons why this is my first CHOICE for a family, not a hail Mary or quick fix. Anyone up for a poly positive post? I will say that poly has very little to do with sharing a husband. Any guy who still holds on to the fantasy that he alone is so good that he must be shared and in control of two adoring, robot women without free will, should have his head examined. Poly is about gaining 2 or more people in your life who will love and care for you 100% and who you will love and care for 100%. You put them before yourself. They put you first. Three people tend and nurture the marriage. Three people are there forever, in sickness and health, for better or worse....etc, etc, etc forever. All children should be equally valued, loved, and have the benefit of all parents.

The very idea that I can change myself to meet someone else's standards for love or mold myself into an ordinary person (thus giving up the vibrant woman I am) in order to achieve someone else's cookie cutter cliche' of a dream for my life is so incredibly offensive!

One of my favorite quotes:
Well-behaved women rarely make history.

I am spending this weekend dancing and cleaning out the goofballs in my life. I am a whole person who is worthy of love. I will find a lifetime love, on my own terms. Maybe that love is closer to me than I think.

In the fullness of time....

I wanted this post to be about the goofy things that happened when I visited M and K. I had wanted to share funny stories about not bringing enough socks and him walking into the room for a game table and seeing my lovelies all about the inside of my open suitcase. I wanted to talk about the passion he has for his family, how I enjoyed chatting with her, or the political conversation that raised every one's blood pressure. I thought about mentioning the fight they almost had in front of me or the time we got a bottle of wine and went to the duck pond for hours. Maybe something funny about how much exercise they do and me getting really toned.

I considered writing a post about what I learned from my first attempt at dating a married couple--like how it felt to ride in the backseat of the car all the time, or trying to walk around a neighborhood 3 deep instead of two. Maybe even allude to a most tender moment.

However, that is not going to happen.

I received a very short, very angry email from K a day after I arrived home. It was sent 2 and half hours after I left. It was filled with anger, dismissive in nature, and hurtful. She said that neither of them wanted anything to do with me anymore. She said they believe a marriage is between one man and one woman. She demanded I never contact them again. In the 24 hours between when I got home and checked that email account, he had already invited me up for another visit, told me what a great time he had and called me several times. He briefly mentioned she felt jealous when he told a joke and I touched his arm, he then caught my eye and held it for just a moment....

Apparently, she hit the roof. As much as she said poly was for her and had such great benefits, she is too jealous. That isn't a crime. It is just as ok to be poly as not. Yet, it hurt. I really, really cared for them. Love was not blossoming, but may have formed tiny buds.

I will miss the gardening advice, the long, long, long walks, the chance to practice my Spanish, the dreams of filling their beautiful home with the laughter of children, the way he and I debated philosophy until the wee hours off the morning and even that she rented my favorite movie to watch on his ridiculously big tv. I write this from a place of having processed all I felt and moving on.

He made a post in a forum about me that caused several couples to seek me out and begin chatting to me. I received several invites to visit people and made some new friends. Some I have chatted with longer than others.

Perhaps the value of these last few months has not been to show me the joy of a lifetime, although, for a heartbeat of time, I thought it so. Perhaps, it broke a little ice of poly dating fears in me and lessened the mysterious. Perhaps, I learned a lesson of when to let things go or how to say goodbye. Perhaps, I made a new friend or provided comfort to an old one. Maybe I helped a loving couple find each other again and renew an old hope.

I believe everything in our lives is part of the Creator's Master plan. This plan is like a beautiful, intricate tapestry. The woven tears and joys that are gigantic when you stand too close, just add to the richness you see in the big picture. Maybe my sadness added a little color.

One can dream...

Time to Process

I am home from a visit with M and K. There is so much to think about and process. I wanted to post something that shows how I felt about all the things that happened, but I'm not quite ready yet.

I need to process.

I feel challenged, hopeful, happy, grateful, glad, peaceful, pensive, and very, very sore.

El tiempo va a decir.