I leave home in 7 and 45 minutes. I haven't slept yet. I am washing clothes, spending time with my animals and debating the details--like should I wear Eternity or Obsession when I meet them. Lovely little play on meaning there, but I meant the scents by Calvin Klein.
My mind is playing scenarios of what could come. Will there be acceptance, awkward pauses, rejection, hugs, joy or love? How welcome will she make me feel? Will the girls that have called me "cool" and "awesome" still enjoy chats in person? Will I confuse the girls? Will they still be excited to meet me tomorrow? Will A.M. (presiding femme) change her mind, treat me as family, encourage her husband and I to love or make an overture of love to me herself? Will he be pleased? Will I? Will this recharge sometime amazing or end something that wasn't meant to be? If I change my clothes 7 more times, will he notice or care? Will I seem to pushy, overdressed, or open?
I wonder if they are sleeping. I wonder if my flight will be delayed by the snow in Charlotte. I wonder if they are enough for me and I them. Am I making the right choice? Should I start reexamining why I am choosing a plural marriage to begin with? Will they be warmer than snow to me?
I bought them Christmas presents. Will they be well received? Will the cologne I brought for him make him laugh, smile, or sneeze? Will he understand the reasoning behind giving Eternity for men? Or will he have already decided that I am not for him?
The airline revised my baggage weight limit to 50 pounds. I need to make them count.
Seven hours and thirty-seven minutes.....
-six...
-five...
Just breathe.......
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